Monday, March 4, 2013

Unhappy Results

I'm currently the thinnest I've been in years. I honestly don't think I've been this thin since before I got pregnant with my first son.

But I'm not happy about it. In fact, it's just the opposite. I'm upset, unhappy, and a little scared.

It started back in January when I decided to start taking Zoloft for my anxiety. I knew there would be an adjustment period. I didn't expect to lose my sense of taste for 2 weeks. I barely ate because everything (except super spicy foods) tasted like sawdust. It was awful. Even smoothies and Shakeology tasted horrible to me.

Once I got back to where I *could* eat again my body was adapting to fewer I didn't have much of an appetite. That's fine, I drank my Shakeology and ate what I could. I figured listening to my body was best. The few pounds of weight loss was a bonus.

Then I had my wisdom teeth removed...and got dry socket. So that was another 2 weeks of not really being able to eat. This was only a few weeks after getting back to eating somewhat normally.

My pants got bigger, my husband commented that my butt wasn't as round, and I was tired all.the.time.

But now that inner demon is rearing it's ugly head and whispering things like "If you start eating normally you'll put all that weight back on." I don't have an appetite. Even when I get hungry I don't WANT to eat. Food grosses me out.

It's been frighteningly easy to slip back into I did what I knew needed to be done: I told my husband. I confided all of my scary, screwed up thoughts. We made an unspoken agreement to get me to eat more often and just get more calories in general.

And then we got food poisoning.

So the last 2 days I've barely eaten and don't see myself eating much today either. Even water turns my stomach if I drink more than a couple of sips.

I'm frustrated. I'm torn. I'm tired. Ugh.

1 comment:

  1. Bless your heart. I am a Beachbody coach as well so I understand the mindset and the goals and the desires we all have for that "perfect body."

    It is hard, especially when life "piles on" as you are experiencing. I have been there before so I hope you don't mind my sharing. This stuff is never easy.

    When I was younger (now 58) my goal was to be healthy and look good. The two do not always go hand in hand because "looking good" is a socially defined characteristic and can change as often as the winds of fashion.

    Now, my focus is on health and mobility. After all, mobility is the whole point of our bodies. I no longer have my six pack but I still have a waist. No moobs, and fully filled out shoulders. I still aspire to the proportions one finds in the Greek statues but my goal is to eat real food and do honest exercise.

    Okay, I am no Shaun T, but at 58 I look better at the beach than most men even half my age. :)

    If I may, here are some guidelines I follow...
    1. Eat food that does not have wrappers. And this is hard because your body needs the real food to get properly reset. As we are developing we need supplements to facilitate the growth we are pursuing but when illness sets in, it is a different game.
    2. Get plates, bowls, etc. to manage and control portions (in your case a controlled overeat which you need to do. You need the extra natural nutrients to facilitate healing just like you need the aforementioned supplements when you are in bodybuilding mode)
    3. ALLOW small helpings of sauces, etc. to improve and sate the flavor cravings. (The French knew what they were doing, and you don't see many fat French women)
    4. Adjust your workouts to lower your caloric burn for a period to facilitate weight gain. Don't quit but you don't have to leave dues on the floor or mat every time you work out. And let's face it, in 15-20 min a day you can knock out some push ups, squats, planks, etc. and maintain until this season passes.

    Some thoughts, I hope you don't mind and I hope it helps...



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...