Monday, February 11, 2013

Fear of Losing Weight

This is something that has been weighing on me (ha! See what I did there?) lately.

I have this weird mental block when it comes to losing weight.

I talked to my husband about it and he says it's understandable and I'm not crazy. (Well, not because of this! haha)

See, when I was 16/17 and my eating disorder peaked it was right after losing a bunch of weight the healthy way. I made healthy choices and the weight came off and I liked it...too much.

It was a slow and slippery slope to go from "healthy" to "unhealthy." I didn't just stop eating overnight or anything. It was a gradual process. And it was easy to fall into it.

Knowing that about myself. I think part of me is afraid to lose weight...even the healthy way. What if I get addicted to it again? What if I become unhealthy again? What kind of message does that set for my kids?

And then I have to ask myself...but is yo-yo dieting any better? Am I a good role model if I constantly sabotage my progress? Is being apathetic with a few extra pounds any better?

So that's where I'm at right now. Who knew you could be afraid of being fabulous?

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